you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
