I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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