The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
