So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
