I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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