I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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