Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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