I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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