I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
