God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
