so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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