Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
