Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
