Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
