I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
