It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
