I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
