I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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