You work out of a Hotel?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
