I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
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