I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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