just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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