Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
