Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
