Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
