You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
