I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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