a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
