Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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