The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize