grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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