i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
