Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
