Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
false alarm. still invincible.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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