I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
