i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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