You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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