just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
