wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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