Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
handjob tips. give me some.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
