Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
