i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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