So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
