So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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