If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
