Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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