she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
