Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
