Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need a beard to bite.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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