; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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