Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
