I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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