I'm going to jail i love you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize