It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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