She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
