Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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