I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
