Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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