Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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