He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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