Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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