So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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