Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
