Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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