i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
