never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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