Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize