Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
