Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
